Why exactly am so afraid to talk about my problems and showing emotions, am not afraid to show hear?

my mom sees this as a big problemO.O i don't like crying in front of people so embarrassing infact i've never been sad in public. people are getting dubious. i dunno. i mean everyone has their own problem to deal with it right??? i am still grieving about this someone whos passed away 6 months ago. its painful. i grieve alone, doesn't seem like a problem to me people say i need to let it out? or something i dunno. when am hurt at night all i do is sleep. i honestly dunno how to talk about my problems :/ i love life. i avoid any emotional pain getting thro my mind and be fun. i am fun trust me ;) i actually am used to having emotional pain and like this ****. i don't need help. or so... i never talk to people about my problems, i am independent.